Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Somedays I just get tired ...

This past year and a bit has seemed to be a tough one _ in the living and feeling healthy being gluten free world, for me at least, but it also has been a time of some momentous changes in the world and definitely a lot happening in the Celiac/Gluten sensitive community.   My thoughts are a bit scattered today ... I am not having a good day ... for all my efforts with last nights supper something did not sit right with my system and my body is talking ... no shouting at times ... that whatever it was is not good.  Some days on days like today I feel incredibly tired ... tired of being a Celiac, tired of having a disease that while at the same time dealing with it has improved my life and was like a huge breath of fresh air has also seemed to open up a whole can of problems, of issues ... of "things" "foods" "stuff" that seem to hurt my body ... some days like today I just want to sit down and cry "make it stop" ... and I feel frustrated at life and my inability to heal myself. 

I think one of the hardest things to explain to people is how "food" really affects our systems, we spend most of our lives learning that food satisfies hunger, when you are hungry you find something to eat.  Now we all know that let's say certain foods are not the best for you - that a high fat diet can lead to serious complications, a bad diet to obesity ~ but do we really really stop to think how food affects our systems - in it's entirety?  People with Celiac disease do, people with gluten sensitivity do. 

It can be exhausting and frustrating how much time and effort goes into food and the study of what food/s do to the body, mind and spirit.  And that is just one part of a busy life ~ yet for many of us - it's one huge important part that plays a part in everything else in life - our health, our relationships, our work, our play - every interaction or avoided interaction is linked to what we put in our mouths, what we consume, even what we may use to wash our hair or brush our teeth with, from the moment we wake till we lay our heads down at night - it's there with us.  Knowledge that we can not stop gluten from affecting every aspect of our lives, we can only have a small control in how much it does ~ and continue to "try" to do what we need to do everyday to stay healthy and sometimes I think just plain sane.

The world has been a place of upheaval lately - seems we all look around us and there seems to be more sadness and turmoil and strife ~ and not as much peace.  Some days this weighs heavier than others ... I know in my own family there is all sorts of issues that are in various stages to be looked at ... to be dealt with.  Leaves me feeling overwhelmed ... leaves me feeling lost.  When you add the stresses of health and diet on top of that ... well that is just not the best day.  So I read ... I get on the computer and search and research and read some more ... forums, facebook pages, articles, etc.  and I look to be informed, and to feel a part of something - connect and communicate, learn and share.

I have found lately more and more I have turned again and again to the celiac/gluten sensitive community ~ that I have a growing need to be more involved, to be connected and to be a part of the growing community that is shouting out to be heard ~ We want the basics just like many gluten eating folk ;)  We want to be happy, we want to be healthy and we WANT to be safe.  It's hard to explain the feeling that comes over you when you actually eat or drink something that is not only tasty and filling - but that you don't react to it in a negative manner - that you actually feel great!  I am working on this feeling to happen more often ~ it's a work in progress.  Some days I get tired ...

BUT tomorrow or even the rest of today has yet to be lived and experienced ... so maybe just maybe I can work on that for now ...  

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