Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Feeling not well ... and hoping it's the Flu ...

I am at home from work today ... that does not happen often ... but today when waking up and still feeling my stomach roll, groan and pitch ~ knowing I will need to be near the facilities all day, and feeling the horrid fatigue and headache ... I just was not up to the challenge to even get showered and dressed.  Seriously.  And I am hoping it's the flu ... why?  The main reason being ... the flu passes a lot quicker than trying to get over a bout of eating something that has not agreed with my system, that has once again reminded me full force I have Celiac Disease ... that I have to watch, and check, and double check foods that I even have been eating all along.  Days like this make me realize my life has indeed changed since being diagnosed ~ we all want to feel like it has changed for the better right?!  That we are over joyed that we are not silently destroying our bodies, that we have a chance to feel healthy, vibrant, full of energy once again (I do believe way back there was a time when I was a child I felt that way haha) ~ well much like the feeling when I was first diagnosed - man I thought then I could take on the world - when I first started eating gluten free I could not believe the change in my body, mind and spirit - it was like a weight had been lifted off my "life" - I had energy, I felt crazy wonderful - I felt like I had been freed from whatever "hell" had possessed my body and I could really live.  At first. 

Now I struggle daily it seems ~ struggle with finding my way back there, struggle not to make mistakes that now effect my body in different ways, struggle to find out what else among the food groups that I think I can eat - I can't, what else out there I need to change.  Struggle with the viewpoints, criticism, and often ignorance of those around us who do not understand, or just plainly condemn the issues of having to live life gluten free.  And I know I am no different from the thousands and thousands that are living with Celiac Disease and Gluten Intolerance, or the many also living with dairy/casien/lactose intolerance ~ I read their struggles too - we all read each others paths to find insight on our own - a glimpse here and there - thinking "hhmmm maybe that will work" or nodding in understanding the frustration and weariness that comes along with this disease.  

Today I am struggling to stay positive ... and hope I have the flu ... so that it will pass, and it won't be something I ate, something I enjoy, another thing to put on the ever growing list.  So that it truly passes so that I can once again pick up the energy to find ways to make the foods I love, to build on what I am learning about Celiac Disease, to pass on my little "bit of insight" to inspire myself and hopefully inspire others ... 

I want to learn to love and live and eat and enjoy life ... Being a Celiac ... showing others by my own example that it can be done, like those women and men who inspire me so much ... that I read daily for encouragement and tips and yes too their disappointments and struggles ... but that it can be done, we can educate others, we may or may not change the world ... but we certainly can change "our world, our space" ... I want to do that ~ 

So Today I hope I have the flu.  

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